As you begin to move towards your divorce, one of your first choices you will encounter will have a lasting impact for years to come; namely, what method will you use to get you to a legal and emotional divorce. There are three common options for all couples to consider as they try to make their divorce as successful as possible:
This option requires both spouses to agree to this voluntary, non-binding process. In Mediation, a third person neutral helps the couple work through the many, and often complex issues of divorce (such as custody, timeshare, property division, support, etc.). Not all mediators have experience or nuance in all these areas.
Features:
- Couple maintains primary responsibility for the divorce process
- Couple agrees upon respectful communication ground-rules during divorce
- Couple sets the agenda and the pacing of the divorce work
- Couple expresses their respective concerns and interests on issues to each other
- Clients fully participate in developing workable settlement options and decisions
Pros:
- Less expensive than either Litigation or Collaborative Practice
- Promotes effective communication between spouses
- Offers third party neutral to help move through old patterns and impasses
- Provides private process (not a matter of public record at open hearings)
- Presents significantly better time efficiency than litigation process
Cons:
- Parties need to know legal rights/obligations, mediator cannot give legal advice
- Parties may not feel comfortable or be able to negotiate with each other
- May not be good fit for cases involving recent, severe, domestic violence
- May not be best option for severely personality disordered
- May not be suited where substance-addicted spouse is in denial
Collaborative practice has gained popularity for its process and outcomes. Like Mediation, Collaborative Divorce is a voluntary process that is binding only once agreements are reached. It involves the efficient use of lawyers, financial professionals, communication, and custody professionals to form settlement teams. The couple works with the subject matter professional for a particular issue, not all at once.
Features:
- Multi-disciplinary team of professionals try to maximize best, mutual results
- Safer environment to successfully work through conflict issues
- Couple controls all settlement decisions
- Transparent sharing of all relevant financial information
- Lessens negative impact on children (and extended family, friends and work)
Pros:
- Often less expensive than Litigation; divorce costs used efficiently
- Promotes healthy, modified communication between divorcing spouses
- Offers trained professionals to help move through old patterns and impasses
- Provides private process (not a matter of public record at open hearings)
- Effectively addresses imbalances of information and power between spouses
Cons:
- May not be good fit for cases involving recent, severe, domestic violence
- May not be best option for severely personality disordered
- May not be suited where substance-addicted spouse is in denial
Divorce by litigation has a long history. It has a fairly well established set of rules and law that help mandate resolution of issues. It acts as a safety net to ensure that issues get addressed where there is no agreement or where serious issues are present.
Features:
- Judge directed process
- Process has developed rules regarding procedure, discovery, & evidence
- Option grounded in statutes and case law
- Finality of both the overall process as well as the specific decisions to get there
- Attempts to maximize spouse's most desired position competitively
Pros:
- No agreement required to move the process along
- Can provide functioning framework for dealing with:
- (a) substance abuse,
- (b) domestic violence, and
- (c) high conflict personalities
Cons:
- Slow process
- Couples' conflict open to the public during hearings and in written record
- Often more expensive than Mediation or Collaborative Practice
- Couple has less influence over outcome since Judge makes the rulings
- Increases conflict - on kids and your community for years to come
